Left but not forgotten
Aches and pains duly noted
left behind and rotten
Summer stole what winter found
left behind not a sound
We all move on
we all move on
left behind a clue
I will wait for you.
Painted.Awful, just awful
look how the flowers bloom
speaking as an elder
although their life is new
Wisdom is rarely passed
yet to those who learn it well
they win at life's game
Knowledge is a power too fierce for eyes to find
yet for those who cannot get it
they often end up blind
ignorance isn't bliss
to the beggar on the street
stupid isn't nice
for a man too fat to feed
children laying dead are happy for the peace
wealthy are complaining about the blisters on their feet
happy isn't there for those who will not see
and happy isn't there for those who won't believe
The flower may have nothing
yet have something more then I
they have a innocent look
on a dreadful life
look here,now see
the mirror is broken,true
but all I really see
are reflections of you
here now,here now take will of what I tell
We all may have our troubles
but I haven't painted,white, my hell.
But you'd never see it.I am not fear
no I am red
I am not sorrow
no I am black
I am not chaos
no I am calm
A fire that doesn't burn
A pain that fades with time
A love undesired
A filthy lie
I am rage and I am pure white
just as sin.
Cause..I pray aloud to the world
To the powers that are around us
I pray for a while
And I pray for you
Lie in comfort not in pain
know you are loved
Live for the moment and not for the fears
Life for love and live for us
I ask for nothing but hope
I beg for life and another year
all I can do is pray
and hope death feels sympathy just once
If the clock's run out
know that I prayed
Know that I prayed until my blood and tears stopped.
Know that I love you and always will
Please come home safe
cause I prayed
please don't go
cause I prayed
I already lost one
so you can't leave
cause I prayed.
Am ISafe In the Water
Safe in the water
Safe in the water
Waves up on shore
swallow me whole
Safe in the water
drag me to the deep
Safe in the water
Dark and Mysterious
Blue and Enchanting
Safe in the water
Disgusting and Filthy
Black and Consuming
Safe in the water
To be lost to the waters
or dry up on land
know what I'm missing
or content with what I have
Safe in the water?
That I am.
I supposeLonely is the heart that weights
Unload Hypocrisy and see underneath
Is unkindly manners just?
Not much be done for those who deny
not much be done for those who cry
but all be done for a grin.
Pleasantly leave me
faces mock my scorn
black is the cup I hold
gold is the liquid
Is poisonous how they sing
is poisonous how we believe
deathly ill life makes
Suppose but ah that is a mistake
never assume to know each corner of a maze
Love but do not fall
Falling deeper then within
Lonely was the heart that waited
New lightShe wears a white gown, silky and beautiful.
The room is quiet and her thoughts drift to the past. It's OK though since she's made her peace with it.
The face she saw so many times appeared again, his face, the dark purple eyes that held as much sadness as she once did. The smile shared in a halfhearted kiss when they ravished each others bodies.
All fragile and preserved memories.
She puts on her face, Make up covering glowing skin, next she slips on her silver heels and light veil and stands. Tear fell before she could stop them. None were of sadness as she only felt glory as a dream was reflected in the mirror. Interrupted by her fathers knock and entrance she is soon given the signal it was time and followed arm and arm towards her dream.
Music arose as well as the audience as she glided down the isle. She held her breathe seeing happiness all around. and her new angel waiting for her at the end.
Still her mind pulled back to those memories...memorie
havent done this in a whileI use to wear a shadow to hide away my sins
hide the pain of the mistakes burnt deep into my skin
Yet stranded here again back against the wall
sets a screen blasting through my past
as my heart began to fall
I felt the pressure of days gone
and how clocks do turn
my smiles braces every pain but peace is what my soul yearns
I glide through a valley unknown to such things
they wish to see me shatter but I will show no pain
these wounds are alive, parasitic eating me inside
but I carry on and shed not a tear
since salty sweet misery is just as a drug to me
I swore not to frown to live up to my life
bullet through the heartache and a knife to the strife
Living, Loving and fighting true is what I've been known to do
so listen once and listen twice, no soul should take it's own life.
DevouredFleeting love, It passes by
Cannot be seen by a naked eye
It is there in a moment
a shining blister of light
A freckle of reality
A tear in mid flight.
Where it came from...no one knows..
What's it's course....wheres it's goal
no one knows
but it's so rare a beauty by a name so sweet
it seemed that in a second
It's devoured me.
Letter to myselfCrying out into the night.
I yell my whispered dreams
the fairy float by laughing,cruel as it seems.
Is it foolish to believe that in one's self truth lies
or is it a fools dance to live within those lies
is ignorance your failure or is it your saint
Am I free from it or am I just a slave?
Shakled to my choices living life is grand
Should I thank the heavens or join satan's band
Neither suit me well, this limbo is my whim
Can it save me from love
or am I more bound to a simple little fate?
Wings of white glory can glitter in like gold
but it can only strengthen these shadow's hold
one against the other
balance,as it seems, is lost with in the tears
that formed this agony
I suppose we can care
join forces in the end
yet those broken families
will they ever mend
And this my letter true
to my future self
if lost within your fate
never lose yourself
for pain is bound to all
feelings come and go
though it's never right
listen to your heart
LessonsIn forty-seven minutes I will be twenty-one years old and my throat is tight with this notion
that every passing moment is a boat taking me further from the boy on the side of the road.
I am terrified of the swelling tide of time, the ripples I will create,
the creases that will be etched into my face
without the laughter lines I know he would have left and
one day someone will ask me how many siblings I have and I will hesitate
because he will be so distant and I can feel it coming.
I never intended to swim without him, but
I am drowning under the weight of pocket-stone-people,
the ones I love who he has never met and won't ever meet
and its forty-four minutes until I turn twenty-one when I realize the relentlessness of this;
how I will age away from him and I am disgusted with myself, with his ashes on the bookshelf,
with this world that keeps making mistakes that can't be fixed.
Twenty one years old and I am a semi-colon, a shuddering pause on the floor,
remembering the time I broke
beautiful.i hate my stretchmarks
the vertical the horizontal the ones running miles down my arms
stripes on a circus tent
my body is a freak show
75 cents a ticket
they are the bars on a cage
trapping me inside this prison cell of flesh
(not letting me run away
from all i once was)
reminding me that i am
still that little girl who
was told that she had too
much weight in her stomach
and in her thighs
to be called beautiful
my stretchmarks are the debris from when i tried to collapse upon myself
tried taking up less space
because beautiful is small beautiful is skinny
diets upon diets
because i've been told that
i am only worth the sharpness of my collarbone
why i never wrote you a poem.last summer i tried
to use the words that you fell asleep to
to write you a love song but
every time i tried
my fingers froze up.
i failed the test of describing you
in a paragraph
in a sentence
in a word
there is nothing in my head adequate enough
to describe how you look
on the train station platform
when you smile at me.
i can tell you that
my heart climbs into my throat and
my body prickles with heat and
everything disappears, for just a moment, but
the thing i cannot describe
your mouth caresses my name
like it’s the most beautiful sound
it’ll ever know,
like it understands me perfectly,
you are not made of verses.
you have no meter.
you are not written in stanzas
that i understand
and i find myself captivated
at how beautifully complex
your language is.
you say i’m the mesmerizing one, but, baby,
you've stumped me.
you have left a girl,
a person who wants to build their life
girls that photosynthesizeI.
i asked my mother to buy me sweetener,
and she said "no," and she said "no,
sugar is better for you it's more natural"
so i shrug and i clamp my teeth over
my tongue and sew my mouth closed
and i steal sweet n' low
from the pizza place
my friends watch me pick at my lettuce,
a rabbit-food-lunch that makes me sick
to my stomach, and when i run to the
bathroom during science class they
follow me and ask what i ate for breakfast.
i say "waffles" because they can't know
i won't let them stop me
my therapist asks me if i think i'm sick
and i'm not, i'm strong, but i can't be
not here not here, and the $$$$$$$$
are ticking away as i consider my answer
so i say "yes" and she asks me what
i will become and i say "better"
because that's all they want to hear
my dietitian sets up a rough meal plan
and she says i won't gain weight on it
somehow i trust this woman with art
on the walls of her office and i pick
through the day in corn-kernel bites,
Dear Homophobic ParentsDear homophobic parents,
How the fuck do you think it makes me feel
When you walk out of the room crying
Because you can’t stand the thought of something I can’t control.
I’ll tell you that it makes my insides burn.
The living room feels like a closet.
Suffocating, and yet I can breathe fine.
I am choking on the air,
Polluted by your homophobic slurs.
Making uneducated guesses about things you know nothing about.
Someone ought to teach you to look shit up
Before you go about, shouting your false claims to the world.
My very existence is an error.
Some messed up chemical defect that went wrong,
I don’t belong
I am the Titanic,
To you I am supposed to be perfect
I am supposed to be straight, and happy, and fine.
But I am so very far from fine,
When my lungs are filling up with water,
Your words are an ice berg,
And I am sinking fast.
Why I DanceI dance as if I am sick,
And the movement is medication.
As if getting up in the morning just to practice is the only motivation
To stay awake.
Because well- worn soft shoes
Feel like home.
The world is cold, and lonely.
But when I dance, there is a fire inside my heart, warm and lively.
I feel like a bird,
Like I am able to fly as high as I want.
Gravity, I taunt
As I laugh in its face.
Because the Earth was never a place
Because leaping across dance floors,
Allows me to soar
Higher than I could in my dreams.
Hard shoe dances make me feel powerful.
Like a raging storm at sea.
My stamps, and clicks are crashing waves.
But I am also the sea breeze.
Strong and graceful.
When I dance I feel like I am trading
Secrets with the universe.
My head is clear,
And my will power is strong.
I am a force to be feared.
On bad days,
The rhythms of hard shoes sound like a heart- beat.
A life line.
And I’ll dance until my feet bleed
Just to feel something.
Because dancing is the only thing
A Letter to the Girl who Hates her BodyA letter to the girl who hates her body.
A letter to that girl
Who scrolls through tumblr.
Admiring all of those models.
With thigh gaps that look cute with skirts.
And a waist that you can barely see.
A letter to the girl
Who looks at models,
For their curves.
The way their hips go outwards
And their size D cup breasts.
Please don't look in the mirror,
And hate the girl you see.
That girl is you
And she should be loved unconditionally.
Because you deserve love.
And how much love is not determined on your waist size,
Whether you're chubby or skinny
You're still so very pretty.
You're so perfect.
So for every time you look in that mirror.
And tell yourself you aren't worth it.
That you're arms are too big,
Your hips aren't big enough.
I am a woman.
I am strong.
I have a body like a castle.
A kingdom made just for me.
And I will not destroy that castle,
By trying to starve myself.
By taking brick by brick and dismantling it
There is a weight
You asked me to hold.
(Just for a while,
Just for a while.)
My tendons strain and snap,
I lack your Atlas strength.
The crushing force of gravity
Makes me weak, makes me sore.
Take it back, take it back,
But you’ve gone away.
I’m sinking down, I’m sinking down.
The water rises to my throat.
Pushing down, rising up
Drowning and drowning and drowning.
Take it back, please take it back,
Where have you gone?
I’m pinned beneath this weight,
With water to my nose.
My lungs fill up with salt,
Choking and screaming and breathing
Only freezing thickness of water.
Where is that mild friend oxygen?
Where has he gone?
My stinging eyes are blind here.
I cannot to escape, unwilling
To shed this leaden snare
Wherein I dwell confined.
I grip it tightly.
Surely I will die,
Sweet air has left my blood
I lay back and let black water take me,
Frozen fingers loosen on Your weight.
And all at once
it falls away
I watch i